Surrender, Dorothy

Paging Dr. Arens: This Series Has Jumped the Shark

It seems the little angel has lost interest in Paging Dr. Arens. As much as I'd love to be a stage mother and force it (it was really more for me than it was for her), I'm going to let it die. It was fun, this past few months, and if she ever shows interest in it again, we'll be back with a new episode. But for now, we'll let it go softly into that good night.

This blog doesn't exist to exploit anyone but me.

Dr. Arens, who hasn't decided yet if she wants to be a brain surgeon, a ballerina, a princess, or a bus driver, but who definitely wants to be a mommy when she grows up.

Paging Dr. Arens: Dr. Miffy Endorses the Tummy Tub

Previously on Paging Dr. Arens:  Dr. Arens partnered with Dr. Oz in an attempt to save a melting snowman.

In this week's episode, Dr. Arens and the evil Dr. Miffy clash once again after Dr. Miffy agrees to endorse the Tummy Tub over Dr. Arens' significant objections on behalf of the practice.

After hours of research, Dr. Arens concluded the Tummy Tub is a crock of horseshit, and perhaps a dangerous one at that. But don't take it from her, decide for yourself.

(if you haven't seen this creepy commercial, do enjoy) 

Dr. Arens disapproved on a number of levels.  First up, this image:

What's up with the baby in the front left?  We think that tub is just two damn warm. Also,WEIRD.

Secondly, Dr. Arens is concerned about the mommies holding their babies heads quite so firmly.

Source

Mommy, stop! I don't want to be taller!

Finally, what up with using your baby to hoist your cleavage?  

Source

Celebrating National Cleavage Day.

Dr. Arens consulted with some other colleagues, who felt the Tummy Tub reminded them of something else, something they really couldn't place ...

Right, that's it.

Dr. Miffy bribed Nurse Ski Bear to participate in the demonstration. 

Nurse Ski Bear demonstrates the proper neck hold for a colicky baby in the Tummy Tub.

Babies today:  Colicky, or just stressed about the economy?

Illustrating Dr. Arens' concern, Dr. Miffy immediately inserts the baby incorrectly into the Tummy Tub.

After several attempts, Dr. Miffy continued to struggle with insertion.

Eventually, Dr. Arens severed the business relationship. Dr. Miffy was just making too many mistakes, and anyway, she had other things to do.

Like turn five on April 6. Happy birthday, Dr. Arens, my beautiful girl.

Paging Dr. Arens: Snowman Life Extension

Previously on Paging Dr. Arens: Dr. Arens took her mobile medicine out to the people of Kansas City.

If you don't like the weather in Kansas City, wait 10 minutes. It'll change.

Because today, Dr. Arens brings her mobile medicine to a transient snowman, Jerry.

Jerry stands 5'5" and was dressed by Valentino. Also? His torso weighed a LOT.

Jerry is suffering from chronic melting. Even though it snowed a bazillion inches last night, it's now 47 degrees.

Dr. Arens prepares to travel to Jerry after receiving a 911 call from the tree fairies.

At first, Jerry was resistant to treatment.  "Dude, I swear, I just need sleep."

Dr. Oz says, "Just restrict calories. Everything will be fine."

Dr. Arens disagreed. She felt Jerry was beyond calorie restrictions. She immediately took Jerry's temperature.  Sure enough, he was getting warmer.

Dr. Arens applied ice packs. Alas, it wasn't enough.

As an aside, Jerry was also complaining of difficulty with let-down.

A frustrated Dr. Arens retires to the Paging Dr. Arens Green Room to mull her options.

As time ticks by, Jerry begins melting in earnest. An exhausted Dr. Arens is forced to make the call.

Jerry, when you're number's called, you're up. Drink through the pain.

Because in heaven, there is no beer.

Stay tuned next week for Dr. Arens and the Tummy Tubs!

-----------------------------------

Brandy wins the Tooth Fairy Kit at Surrender, Dorothy: Reviews!  Please e-mail me your address at ritabiermann (at) hotmail (dot) com.