It appears to be true that we shrink as we age.
In height, I mean. And maybe our hands.
I always thought when I was a child and observed my friends' mothers (not mine, so much, because mine didn't wear a lot of makeup), that I hoped I would never become one of those people who looked completely different without makeup.
I fear I have become that woman, mostly because when I don't wear makeup, suddenly my features seem ... small.
And I wonder ... is it just our outlook that is outsized when we're in our twenties? Does the realization that broken bones and cancer and organ shutdowns are real things cramp our ability to stand up straight?
Was I really different in my twenties, was I actually taller? Did pregnancy really make my foot bones spread so much I lost height? What's happened to my pelvic floor? Holy shit, am I actually shrinking?
I know my own parents are an inch or so shorter than they were when they were my age. My maternal grandmother had osteoporosis and a bit of a hump that literally robbed her of many inches. And as I grow older and face job insecurities again, it occurs to me that I'm no longer the precocious young one in the room as I spent so much of my internet-bubble youth being.
I've noticed the older women get, the bigger their diamonds. I always in the past attributed it to means, but now I wonder if the diamonds just look bigger on hands that shrink with age.
I look at other women's hands, because I'm at the age where I'm kind of past the diamond fuck-it point. It happens. I'm there.
At this point, I look at a lot of things and wonder ... why?
And as I accompany my dear female friends on this journey of life, I do see some of us starting to shrink. Hands getting smaller, diamonds looking bigger, hugs maybe a little more important as each year goes by. I'm not an old woman by any stretch, but maybe now I'm a woman who takes notice. Where I used to notice engagements and babies, I now track hospital visits and graduations.
I see my friends much more closely than I did. I feel their presence in the room.
I don't want anyone to feel small as they get older.