So today I was on the Huffington Post, and I saw this blaring headline of Kristen Stewart's awkwardness.
I have no soft spot for Kristen Stewart. She just keeps saying the wrong thing. But as I'm watching this clip, I feel bad for her, because as she says something that she knows will be taken out of context, her face falls, and she says, "That's great. I know that one will follow me around for a long time." She basically grimaces as she sits down with David Letterman.
And God, I remember what it was like to be twenty.
When I was twenty, I was still in college. Fucking up on a pretty much daily basis. Barely ever having to live in an adult world at all -- not I! I remained happily ensconced in the delayed adolescence that is a Big 10 school until I graduated at 22.
When I was 20, I was a junior in college. I was in a sorority. I had a part-time job as a waitress. In a bar. I wore Doc Martins and lusted after bartenders and drank a lot of amaretto sours and margaritas that I bought for less than $2 at two-for-one happy hours. Sometimes I drank drinks mixed in the bathtubs of fraternity houses.
Sometimes I did that. Nobody ever asked me questions on television. No "adult" even looked my way twice.
And at 20? I liked it that way.
I smoked a pack a day and wrote angsty papers about interpersonal communication and bad poetry on napkins. I walked the mile to and from my house and campus every day with the Indigo Girls or Jimmy Buffett firmly clamped over my ears. I hadn't even discovered Tori Amos yet when I was 20.
So how can I judge Kristen Stewart, even when she's stupid enough to say she feels like she's being raped when she's photographed? When she says she doesn't know where her parents got their fucking dog?
If I were famous at 36 and David Letterman suddenly produced foamboard photographs of my childhood pets, I would run screaming from the soundstage at the invasion of my parents' privacy. Kristen, at least, attempted to explain.
It's so easy to sit in judgment of these starlets, and I admit, I do it, too. But there's something about Kristen that seems so real, so tapping-on-the-legs-while-doing-the-interview uncoached that I forget she's famous and I just identify with her, how weird this must all be for her, the little girl from The Panic Room.
I don't even like her all that much when I hear her give interviews. But I like how REAL she is in a world of fem-bots.
And I totally remember being 20.