Last night I found myself on the couch with two guides to literary agents on my lap. I know I could and should use the Internet instead, but I prefer the first step of the books, knowing full well when I go to research the agents I'll find that some agencies have gone under, changed hands, shifted focus. Some agents will have disappeared off the face of the earth or decided they only want to pursue Christian poetry. But I still prefer to start with the books, marking off who I think might like my stuff, making a list that I know can never be long enough, because many of them will never even respond to my queries, and I'll dejectedly cross their names off one by one when I don't hear from them.
I don't have a great deal of confidence when it comes to literary agents. I actually have more when it comes to publishers, having found one without an agent the last time around this mulberry bush.
I was having flashbacks to the last time as I searched through the books, seeing dates like "7/6/2005" in the margins. I remembered conversations with some of them. This novel is so different than Sleep Is for the Weak that I won't be approaching very many of the same people, which is a relief even though it shouldn't be. In theory, if they talked to me once before and I wasn't a total screw-up, they should have some name recognition this time and maybe open the e-mail or letter a little faster. But really, who knows -- it takes quite a few queries for me to recognize someone's name in my job. It's not intentional -- there are just so many e-mails. I have a healthier appreciation for how difficult an agent's job is after doing my job for six months. Heaven knows I'm horrible with names and have difficulty slogging through my inbox every week, and I have a much tighter timeline for my line of work.
None of this rationalizing makes me any more excited to look for an agent. I hate the rejection.
But it's time. I've been through the novel three times with a fine-tooth comb. It's probably not as good as it could be, but I need an outside opinion to know what is wrong with it at this point, to know if it's viable. And so here I am, with my heart on my sleeve and my list of 63 names, ready to do my Internet research and hope, hope, hope that this agent search goes better than the last two have.
Eek.
