A very pleasant snow is falling in sharp contrast to the springish birdsong that echos as sounds do when the flakes drop straight without wind. The Canadian geese that overwinter here flap noisily overhead toward the unfrozen lake. I'm jealous of them, as their feet never seem to get cold.
Today I'm thirty-six.
Thirty-six is like the beginning of the sales quarter, a new fresh start for life goals. Nobody ever says, "Man, I always thought I would've been president by the time I was thirty-eight." We save big dreams for years that end in five and zero, so thirty-six is much less intimidating than thirty-five was. It's sort of a gimme year, a year to reassess and make plans, sketch out interiors and frame walls without worrying so much about the finishing details.
Thirty-six seems both young and old to me. It is solidly mid-life, the prime of life in many ways. Though I hope to grow far beyond where I am now if I make it to sixty-six, to seventy-six (I'm sort of hoping I don't see eighty-six), I realize my energy and experience are going to apex over the next five to ten years. I plan to take advantage of that peak in my life's grid.
When my daughter is thirty-six, I'll be sixty-six. I'll probably have forgotten by then these starting-out years, not the starting-out of twenty-six, when I was newly engaged, but my starting-out that came when my daughter was born, when we moved here to the house we intend to raise her in, when we put money away for her college and re-examined our path. Life is a series of constant corrections, and I think the years between twenty-six and forty-six are perhaps the most strenuous of those corrections, when turning the ship involves an engine and oars and all hands on deck straining at the rudder. The stars are hidden behind clouds, and it's not clear which direction to go.
Here's what I know at thirty-six:
- It's okay to envy other people's accomplishments as long as you put that energy toward your own. Jealousy is a powerful driver and can be harnessed nicely if you don't let it eat you alive.
- My father was right: You only need two really good friends. I am grateful and lucky to have many more than two.
- Companionship is important. I am hopelessly in love with my husband, and I depend on his opinion and physical presence in my days.
- Parenting is hard in a different way than you think it will be. Having a child made me a better person, because I realize I am being watched for guidance. I don't always want to be a good person, because it takes a tremendous amount of patience and energy.
- Sleep is really, really important to mental and physical health. I require between eight and ten hours of sleep at night. I'm not happy about it, but there it is.
- The concept of flow is very real, and I get it from creative writing. Happiness is being unaware of the passage of time.
- People are flawed and human, and you're setting yourself up for failure to expect yourself, your friends or your family to be perfect.
- Aging is inevitable, and people (particularly women) have to make peace with that. Have professional photos taken when you're still cute and later on understand the value of solidly constructed undergarments and age-appropriate hair.
- Always buy solid wood furniture.
- Maintenance will get you a long way with bodies, cars, pets and wool sweaters.
- Always carry breath mints.
- Exercise is over-rated for weight loss and under-rated for physical satisfaction. It really takes less time to exercise than to feel guilty about not exercising. Running five miles won't put a dent in that death-by-chocolate thing you just ate. Playing tag is still fun.
- Understand whether you are an introvert or an extrovert and apply parties and gatherings appropriately. I am an extrovert. Sometimes I really want to cancel those dinner plans after a hard day, but I always feel better after laughing with friends. Other people give me energy, and I drain myself when completely alone.
- Understanding yourself and what works for you is really important to enjoying life and not enduring it.
- Have high standards about only things that align with your values. There is not enough time in a day to have high standards for everything. Do not examine my baseboards.
