Ladies and Gentlemen:
I remembered my camera.
But before I treat you to some close-ups of the patrons of the Ultra-Pool, I feel the need to address my friend Anon, who commented a few Ultra-Pool posts ago. Rather rudely, I thought.
Anon said...
Wow. Get over it. Are you jealous?
In a word, Anon ... hell the fuck yes! Are you an idiot? You think it's fun to take in such frivolity when you're writing software? God.
All the Reasons I'm Jealous of Ultra-Pool Patrons:
- My boobs are 35.
- My ass is 35.
- When I could actually rock a bikini, I didn't have $1,000 for a three-foot pool membership.
- I also had my pool body when grunge was in, and we only wore flannels and overalls.
- I still don't have $1,000 for anything that's not called "childcare" or "repairs."
- My legs have never tanned a shade darker than khaki.
- These fools are in the pool at 3 p.m. on Tuesday while I'm editing specs.
Now that we've cleared THAT up, let's continue with our objective observation of Kansas City's Young and Beautiful population.
From top: Are you sucking in? Because I am totally not sucking in.
Meatball sandwich, now with extra tattoos.
From high above in her glass-walled, climate-controlled sanctuary, Arens observes the mating rituals of the bald-headed playboy. The red-suited young watches and learns.
Three young vixens test the theory that tanned skin is actually a sign of sun damage. Damn it all to hell they didn't come of age in the innocent 1970s.
Is it strange to wear a hat in a swimming pool? Not when it's only three feet deep.
Despite repeated requests, Dwayne refused to keep his pants on.
Are those angel wings on his back? And why is he wearing a belt? I had to descend to the 5th floor to get a better look.
This is the view from the 5th floor without zoom. I needn't have worried about the criticism of my 5th-floor colleagues, who welcomed me and my camera into their lair with nary a question. I still can't tell. Is it weird for a guy to have angel wings tattooed on his back? Maybe it's a bird.
Be careful, lads! These birds are very flighty. Ye mustn't disturb them. See? They prick their ears up at the slightest provocation.
This photo encompasses all that is wrong with America, starting with the return of trucker hats.
And this photo? This is my gift to The Editor Across the Aisle. MWAH. Speedo Man luvs you.
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Selling Steph's closet. Size 6 Ann Taylor sheath, tags on.
