I know it's still 2008, but to me, once they start sticking up Christmas trees in Wal-Mart, you're not going to accomplish anything more in the year. Not anything serious, really. Wal-Mart determines my goal-setting -- oh, stop looking at me like that. Don't pretend those Christmas trees don't affect you, too.
Yesterday I worked 11 hours. It's that time of year in my corporate job business: that time of year when everyone asks themselves why the hell we got jobs in the tax industry. That time of year when you see people in the elevator and they grunt in your general direction before slogging off for more coffee, laughing ruefully under their breaths. Holidays in the tax season mean more work, not more time off. So again with the not getting a whole lot outside of my job accomplished.
Which in general is unfortunate, because of course my inner ambition would like to accomplish a whole lot more.
I put together another book idea, and I sent it off recently to an agent I'd met this year. She thought it would be better as a magazine or newspaper article, or series of articles. She might be right. The idea isn't fully jelled yet, nothing about what I'm doing with my Fridays is completely jelled yet, and the book tour didn't help -- I'm basically waist-deep in goo as far as my lists are concerned.
Last night Beloved and I were talking about the agent's somewhat rejection, and a gentle suggestion from another colleague that I cut back writing for her and take some time to find inspiration, and I lamented to him that this taking time and doing things correctly is not really my style. He so totally knows that, and our home improvement projects evidence my frustration with the details. I'm a broad swaths kind of a girl. I need to work on my fit and finish, as my friend S. calls it. And in order to do that, I need focus. Gah.
GAH!
I have had some luck in other freelancing areas -- it remains to be seen how much luck, but I've made some good inroads in a few places. Of course, the waiting is the hardest part, and overcoming my inner voice that keeps telling me if I cut back in my corporate job I must immediately make thousands of dollars freelancing in a down economy. Beloved is not telling me I must do that, I am telling me I must do that, but there is no way to make any money at all unless I slow the hell down and focus. Write less. Write better. After three years of volume, this is so totally difficult for me. But I'm going to try, and I'm telling you all this so it'll keep me honest. Remind me next February I said this, okay?
So if 2007 was the Year of the Suburb Move and 2008 was the Year of the Book, 2009 will be The Year of Small Adjustments. In 2009 I will stop take vacation days on Fridays and allow my salary to dwindle by 25% in order to really make a go at this freelancing thing. I will allow it to go slowly and take the time it needs to take to have a few really good hits rather than a million small ones. In 2009 I will change my name and my daughter's name to include my maiden name as an additional middle name for both of us. In 2009 my daughter will enter kindergarten, and I will enter a new phase of my own life as a result. We will have a school-aged child.
How the hell did that happen?
See, this is why I need the small adjustments.
