Who Saw Oprah Yesterday?

Oh, God.  I watched yesterday's DVRed Oprah last night after Blondie tipped me off.

It's one of those stories of a mother who left her child in a hot car all day on accident.  The mom talks about how she was on auto pilot and just forgot her sleeping three-year-old was in the backseat.  I go on auto pilot all the time, and I remember hearing a story at work about a guy who also did this on accident, leaving a baby in the backseat in a hot parking garage.  In both cases, the child died. That story made me check the backseat every time I leave the car.

I can totally imagine how that could happen.  How horrifying.

I remember bringing the little angel home from the hospital, when turning around to get someone out of the backseat felt so strange and foreign.  I remember standing next to my car, sore and uncertain, and thinking I would never just hop out of the car and trot to the door again without looking back. I was wrong, of course, in my new-mom haze I forgot I would occasionally go places without my baby, but the mindset was there. I don't know how it happens that quickly. I don't know how this motherhood instinct kicks in, but it does.

But I also know how easily your brain can just check out when you're overwhelmed.  I've always prayed the instinct would override the tired, that no matter how stressed or out of it I felt, that the instinct to first take care of my daughter would just WIN.

The message here was SLOW DOWN.  When I go on auto pilot, it's because I'm overwhelmed and my brain can't handle awareness of my surroundings anymore.  I've been on auto pilot a lot lately.  But yesterday, when daycare called to say the little angel had seemed lethargic (she's got a cold), I wrapped up my meeting and went to pick her up.  She was awesome, cuddling up and watching TV while I finished up my workday, and I was thankful for the opportunity to spend a little extra time with her.  I remember one day when she was about a year old when I felt like I just hadn't had enough time with her that week.  I was at work, almost crying about it, when daycare called to say she had a fever. I was actually happy she was sick because it meant I got to leave and go home and spend time with her.

That's how bad it sometimes gets?  That one of us has to be sick for me to slow down and notice what is going on? 

Sometimes I am so overwhelmed trying to raise one child. I am so impressed by women who can handle two or more.  My mother-in-law who had EIGHT.  We have stopped with one because we are honestly not sure we could handle more than one.  It stings when people ask why we're not giving her a brother or a sister, but this is why.  It's not that I'm afraid I'd accidentally kill a baby -- it's not that extreme -- but I'm afraid we'd just ... forget to DO for one of them what we currently do for the little angel.  Life can be so overwhelming. I can barely handle what I'm doing now.

Updated to add:  Longtime reader Anissa is on this episode.  She's one of the women Oprah interviewed from their homes.

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Tonight we have a Sleep Is for the Weak signing in Menlo Park, California!

Thursday, Oct. 2 - Stefania Pomponi Butler, Lisa Stone, Grace Davis, Jen Scharpen and Jenny Lauck give a signing at Keplers in Menlo Park at 7:30 p.m. (1010 El Camino Real Menlo Park CA, 94025) Sponsored by Graco.