Now There Are No Reasons to Not Learn CPR

While I was at BlogHer, I took a 22-minute class to learn CPR.  Yes, only 22 minutes.  I'm not certified, but I feel like I could actually administer CPR. It's incredibly empowering. 

The class started with a woman telling us a story about how she saved her then-two-year-old son after he stopped breathing in the swimming pool.  These are the sorts of scenarios my overactive imagination conjures on a weekly basis (down from daily, so there's been some improvement).  Instead of worrying so much about it, I've decided to treat my anxiety by preparing myself for the worst, so if my dire predictions actually come true, I can deal with the situation.  I want to become that capable mother who can handle any situation. I'm not quite there yet, but I'm trying.

Enter the 22-minute CPR training.  Basically, it's a kit containing a DVD and a half-sized CPR dummy (for adults and children) or a baby dummy (for babies, natch).  They look like this.

I know, a little disconcerting.  But they totally inflate like real people when you pump them full of air, and the chests have little clickers to tell you if you're pushing hard enough.  Pushing hard enough kind of hurts.  And it's tiring.  I had to lean so far forward I almost fell on my head if I stopped compressions. Plus, I was wearing a skirt.  I looked COOL.  If I were to do this again, I think I'd wear something a little more appropriate, like say, sweatpants.  It's tiring, and it hurts the heel of the hand you're using on the chest, but by doing the compressions you are pumping someone's blood for them. 

WOW.

The AHA reps (hi, Kelly!) said many people are afraid to do anything, because they're afraid they'll hurt the person they're trying to save.  However, after 10 minutes of not breathing, there's really not much you can do.  That first 10 minutes is vitally important.  So if you do it a little bit wrong but it still works, so what?   A live person will thank you for that broken rib if the alternative was not being alive anymore.  In other words, don't be a perfectionist. Try to get it right, but doing anything when someone is not breathing is better than doing nothing.  They say your actions can only help.  How many times in life is that true?  So learn.  Kelly told me for every person they train on these kits, an additional 2.5 people learn CPR.  I plan to get all my girlfriends together this winter when we're all bored and housebound and whip out the dummies and DVDs. 

A lot of people have been surprised by my enthusiasm about this training, as they view it as morbid.  I suppose it is a little odd to be excited to learn about what to do in a horrible situation, but as I tend to imagine these scenarios every time my daughter wanders too close to the age of the swimming pool, this actually makes me feel better.  Much better.  I think in our society we tend to try to make everything so safe we can't ever get hurt, but the result can be a nation of people who have no idea what to do in an emergency.  I believe we should stop depending on companies and the government to make everything perfect and start learning how to take care of ourselves should the safety latch slip.  We need to learn what's a safe risk and what's not without assuming our mass-produced life vest will save us if something goes wrong.  I ask for a return of common sense and death to all Jackass videos.

Oh, I'm sorry.  I don't know what happened there. I was talking about CPR.

There's also a kit for the wee little babies.  I haven't done this session yet, but as soon as I can pry the baby dummy away from the little angel, I will be teaching myself baby CPR, too.

My beloved was a little weebed when I whipped the baby out of my suitcase and inflated it (they come flat).  It does look sort of like a dead baby, which almost prompted a rash of dead baby jokes I really thought I had exorcised from my brain in ninth grade to make room for ATM numbers.  I promptly hit him over the head with the baby dummy and told him not only would I be learning how to revive the dead baby dummy, so would he.  Then the little angel seized the baby and carried it off to meet her Cabbage Patch Kids for lunch.

So!  Who wants one?  Kelly at the American Heart Association sent me one adult kit and one baby kit to give away to you guys!  I'm not sure how to choose a winner.  Someone asked me the other day how I pick, and there is no scientific method.  I want to be fair, though, so I will give the baby to the first commenter to say he or she wants it and the adult to the last commenter who says he or she wants it, ending at midnight Central time tonight.  That seems as randomly fair as I can conjure before 8 a.m.