Is Next...Swimwear.

You'd think I'd have the good sense not to schedule anything stressful the week after BlogHer.  But oh, no, apparently if you want your child to take swimming lessons in Kansas City at a time that occurs after the standard office workday, you have one two-week window that occurs at the end of July at a facility 10 miles from your house.

Not that I'm bitter about it.

The little angel has gone from a two-year old who would not even let water touch her FEET to a four-year-old who is struggling to overcome her fear of putting her face in the water.  I was also a four-year-old who was terrified of water, and am now an adult who loves to boat and waterski and sail but is not a strong swimmer and is maybe a little terrified of diving.  Okay, there, I've said it.

It's nerdy to not like swimming.  All of my friends were lifeguards when I was in high school. I wanted to be around them, so I worked in the pool concession stand, scraping out nacho cheese from a crockpot every day and being eaten alive by horseflies.  It was HOT. It SMELLED BAD.  And I did not get to wear the CUTE SWIMSUIT and GET A TAN.  My pale counterpart and I hung out in this shack, watching our high school P.E. teacher ride an exercise bike to "sweat out the poison" and trying to lure our friends over to talk to us with the siren song of frozen individual pizzas and Laffy Taffys.

For this and many other reasons, like, oh, safety, I desperately want my daughter to be a good swimmer, a fearless swimmer, the swimmer I never was.  But as with many things, it's not really a good idea to try to make your kid be something you were not.  I must pull back now before I become Dina Lohan.

So twice this week I had to take her to swimming lessons alone.  The first time, she refused to get in the pool at all, sitting on the edge for the entire class. I was so frustrated.  The second time, I told her we'd just take her back again and again and again until she learned, so there was no point in refusal.  It would only prolong the swimming lesson process.

Then I hit on something.  I told her she couldn't really get a good look at the mermaids at the bottom of the pool unless she put on her goggles and really stuck her head down there.  That and a very sweet teacher got her face in the water, albeit a very small part of her face.

The best part of this whole story is that she totally knows I was lying.

After her successful face-in-the-water swimming lesson, we drove through Booger King and got her some chicken fries and started the drive back home.  The swimming lessons get over at 7:15, and that means she hasn't been getting to bed this week until about 9:30, an hour later than usual.  I was exhausted and had a lot on my mind.

Me:  "I'm SO PROUD of you.  Are you proud of you?"

Her:  "Yes, Mommy." (sound of noisy eating)

Me:  "Did you get to see the mermaids?"

Her:  "Yes."

Me:  "Were they pretty?"

Her:  "Mommy, they were just pretend mermaids."

I think she threw me a bone. Wow.

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Winners of the books are:

1) For sheer desperation:  Chrissie!

2) For playing the pity card (no really, she deserves it, I know her story):  Anissa!

3) For making me totally laugh:  Annika!