In honor of my friend Mir, who is getting married TOMORROW, the ladies of Maya's Mom are throwing a virtual bridal shower/bachelorette party. I salute them for lassoing the blogosphere in honor of one of our heartiest mommyblogger contributors.
When I met Mir last summer at BlogHer, we'd talked a few times already over e-mail. She was proudly wearing her single-mommy badge then, and her resilience and pride really made an impression on me. I wish I had time to scour her archives right this minute to point out the brilliance of her observations, but I just tried and almost got sucked into the wind tunnel of Woulda Coulda Shoulda, never to be heard of again.
So! On to my gift to Mir, my advice and assvice about marriage.
True love.
Best Advice Given to Me: Have your eyes wide open before the marriage, and half shut afterward.
Advice Giver: My aunt Lori
Reason: I took this advice pretty seriously, and I still struggle with it. I try not to point out EVERY time that my beloved says "parkin' lot" instead of "parking lot" or throws a recyclable can into the trash because he's too lazy to open the basement door and chuck it into the box. I try to remember he has hard days, too, and long days, and that often I'm a whiny bitch who's no fun to be with, especially at times like the past month when I'm scared about money, my kryptonite. I try to just take out my contacts sometimes, and look at him when he's a little fuzzy and pretty nice to cuddle with and just leave it at that.
Best Advice I Have for You: I don't know Otto, but I know you (Mir) well enough to know you value respect. You give it, and you expect it. Don't ever change. Love and respect Otto and demand that he love and respect you. Do not accept less than respect. In the end, it all boils down to that.
Worst Assvice Given to Me: Your marriage will end if you don't have your own bathroom.
Giver of Advice: My dear cousin Jill (I kid you, Jill)
Reason: Sometimes, you can't afford a house big enough for you to have your own bathroom. (Um, we have spent the first six years of our marriage in one like that.) And really, if you can't share, what is wrong with you? It's no fun to have to squeeze your two adult bodies into a tiny, steamy space the size of a normal person's closet every morning, especially not if you try to cram a baby in her bouncy seat in there, too (those were the days), but as long as you respect each other and don't purposefully elbow him in the eyeball while applying your mascara because you're pissed about the lack of space, it will be fine. Uncomfortable, but fine. I think this might be good advice for Mir because of the whole "moving" thing. Remember, he's going to take up room in your life, and it is okay if you are a little annoyed by that at the same time as loving it. Totally normal. Just don't take it out on him or you.
Worst Assvice I Have For You: Take a fabulous honeymoon to somewhere cheesy as soon as possible.
Reason: It's Mir, author of Want Not. She HATES spending money. But man, being pampered as a couple feels really good. Just think about it. Maybe you could actually win a trip somewhere - then you wouldn't have to feel guilty.
So, I'm at work and don't have any wedding photos to upload, but hey, love you, Mir! Have a wonderful, wonderful day tomorrow. I'm so happy for you.
