Even June Cleaver Would Forget the Juice Box: Cut Yourself Some Slack (and Still Raise Great Kids) in the Age of Extreme Parenting

This has got to be the longest title of any book I've ever reviewed.  It could be because author Ann Dunnewold has a doctorate, or it could be the bright idea of someone in the publishing world.  Who knows?  But the good ladies at the Parent Bloggers Network sent it, and so I read it anyway.

Overall, I thought this book could've been much shorter. While its message of "just be a good enough parent" resonates with me, oh overstrapped, overtired and underfunded working mommy that I am, this book seemed to treat that casual advice like scientific evidence.  Dunnewold quotes other authors, such as Muffy Mead-Ferro, author of The Three Martini Playdate, who presented the same message in a more unique way.  Even June Cleaver Would Forget the Juice Box reads more like a term paper, with the same source or Newsweek article being quoted multiple times throughout book, as though Dunnewold had to have at least five, nonInternet sources and is fulfilling her quota diligently.  I'd have liked more original thought on Dunnewold's part and less quoting other people. 

I also had a little trouble with the constant references to June Cleaver.  I'm not too young to remember Leave It to Beaver, but I also never romanticized that vision of motherhood.  I'm not competing with June, I'm competing with the organic-food guzzling, Prius-driving, Mommy and Me-attending bastions of motherhood I see both staying at home with their kids AND working flex-time or part-time or even full-time schedules. I'm overwhelmed when I see mothers who must not be sleeping in order to get everything done, not those who are baking cookies in pearls.

Still, as I said, the book's theme resonated for me.  I loved this:  "In extreme parenting, we fail to distinguish needs from wants ... somewhere deep within the psyches of today's parents is simply an older version of the imprint that a crying baby is mom's fault."  I do sometimes feel like people are blaming me when my three-year-old pees her pants in public or runs away from me in the supermarket.  I do feel like I should be able to "make" her sleep through the night - primarily because people have indeed come right out and said I should.   From the book:  "The issue is two-fold.  First is the underlying assumptions most parenting paradigms share:  that the child can be controlled and molded by the right methods.  That you can, as a parent, make your child into a good sleeper, an independent being, a star athlete -- and that it is your job, which is yours to pass or fail.  Second, that whatever worked in infancy will work throughout a child's life."  Hallelujah, Dunnewold.  You really made me think with that one.

Another great quote:  "In fact, in the current culture, time spent on self is seen as subtracting from what you give your children."  I totally feel this way.  As a working parent, there is time I owe my employer, then I must rush home and try to "make up" for leaving the little angel in childcare all day by giving her my full attention from the minute I get home until I can "make" her fall asleep. Usually by then there is maybe a half-hour or an hour left to pay bills, try to pack up my entire house in order to move, clean up, iron clothes to go to work again the next day or call my sister, who wonders why I never have any time to talk to her.  I DO feel like I don't get to have time for myself until those commitments are addressed - but isn't that to some extent true?  Would my employer not mind if I just took a little time for myself during the workday?  Would my daughter not notice if I paid her no attention during the few hours a day she gets to see me?  Yes, I feel I put myself last - but HOW CAN I NOT? 

The last quote I want to share is what I took away from the book:  "Hating the job can coexist with loving the child.  Making the distinction is critical at times -- like the years of three-and-a-half or fourteen.  This is the hardest work you will ever do.  If you expect it will always be natural and fun, you may feel like a failure."  What?  It's okay to hate wiping someone's butt every day?

BECAUSE I HATE WIPING PEOPLE'S BUTTS.  EVEN MY DAUGHTER'S.  I hate mopping my floor three times a week.  I hate watching fourteen-month-olds eat.  I hate scrubbing dirt flakes out of her hair after a hard day at The Emerald City while she refuses to tip her head back, thus guaranteeing soap will go in her eyes and make her howl.  I hate having to cover up my couch with an ugly slipcover because she might pee on my furniture.  I hate trying to convince her to wear the sandals that gave her blisters that one time and that she screamingly refuses to ever wear again.  I hate worrying about her coming home with lice. I hate chicken nuggets.  I hate fighting over using the potty every morning.

But this doesn't mean I hate her.  I don't. I love and adore her.  She doesn't scream all the time.  She's a joy to be around most of it, actually - but I do hate all the manual labor that comes with having people be completely dependent on you for most or all of their needs. And it's okay to love and adore your children but dislike the chores that come along with that responsibility.  That never really occurred to me before.

Well, then.

Comments

[Blondie]

Dude, you hate chicken nuggets?

Very nice review, sister. :)